Cheeseburgers or Pussy

I've eaten plenty of the latter but barely any of the former.

This has been pent up for days and I've got to get it out...

I've hit a point in my life where I need to get my shit together. Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror. I've never been happy. I hate being fat. It's always in the back of my mind. This really kills any kind of confidence when going out. I always think, "Wow, she is friggin' gorgeous, but WAY too hot for me." 99.1% of the time I make no attempt whatsoever to even talk to the hottie in question.

I really fucked up this last Saturday. They say that hindsight is 20/20 ad I've been beating myself up over what happened ever since. I went to a friend's b-day party at a bar that I've never been to before. It was a pretty large place with a diverse crowd. My roomate J and I were shooting pool. There were a few very hot women wandering around. Two that really stood out. One was a short-hiared brunette with an incredible body. About my height with an incredibly cute face and sexy smile. She was with a group of three other women. The three surrounded her and she had her back up against the bar. I kept commenting to J about how f'n hot that she looked. He says that I should go talk to her. I said "Yeah, right" and made no attempt. A minute later she lit up so it didn't really matter anyway. I can't stand smoke and the idea of kissing an ashtray is not appealing no matter how hot the hottie.

The other hottie that was walking around could have been Eva Longoria's much hotter younger sister. I'm guessing 23 or 24, long black hair, gorgeous face, incredible ass in these unbelievable jeans, and she must have been a d-cup with this tight top that couldn't have made them look better. She was also there with three other women. She caught my eye while she was walking around a couple/few times. They were all sitting at the bar chatting away. Again, I didn't even think of trying to talk to her. Incredibly hot combined with the multiple-female-friend shield is extremely intimidating.

I shot some more pool and then sat down and was talking with the b-day group. Jen was messing around with her gifts and had gotten this goofy card. It was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles card and it had this mask inside of it. There was some assembly required. Jen ask J and I to put it together. It was not going well. The mask had "glasses" and two arms that attached to the glasses so that you could put it on your head. While J was trying to rip one of the arms out of this card, he tore it and pretty much destroyed it. He decided to go to the bar and ask for some tape. He handed me the card and I tried to remove the mask from the card. (It was one of those rip-along-the-dotted-scored-lines kinda things.) I got the mask out but then you had to poke out the eyes so that you could see. I ripped one side and found that I also needed tape. I wandered up to the bar. This is where I wish someone was video taping me so that I could see what actually happened...

My roomate was up at the bar next to where Young Eva and her friends where sitting. They were gone and I didn't think much of it. While I'm standing there, Young Eva comes over and sits down right next to me and asks what I'm doing. I explain and she grabs the mask out of my hands. She proceeds to pop out the mask eye with her nails in no time. I said something about being a guy and having no nails. I show her my hand and next thing I know I've got my arm around her. I joked about something and then friggin froze. I realize that I've got my arm around this goddess...she likes it...she's smiling...and my mind went blank. I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. What's your name? What do you think of the band? Come here often? ANYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD. Jen yells over asking about the mask. I say something goofy to Young Eva, we laugh, and then I retreat back to the b-day group. Jen says that she wants to move to the next bar and every body starts to leave.

I have my own car. There are plenty of people that drove. J could have jumped in someone else's car. I could have stayed and talked to the fucking goddess more. I end up walking out with the group still in a daze and leave the hottie at the bar by her self. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm retarded.

I have been thinking about it and this is kind of a good thing. I know that I beat myself up a little too much about my weight. But if this goddess was still interested, I can't be that bad off. Also, I know what I've got to do when in the same situation. JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!!!