Oil and Water

So there's this girl at work.  She's always in the back of my mind.  Cute, tall, probably 5'10", long light brown hair, and this ghetto booty.  It's borderline too much booty...like a train wreck that I can't stop checking out.  In a good way that is.  She's been wearing these dark gray pants lately that make it look magnificent.  Anyway...

She normally dresses modestly at the office. Every once in a while, she will throw on heels and a shirt that will show off her magnificent breasts.  The last time that she did this, I was stunned.  She came down to ask me something and caught me off guard.  She was wearing 3 or 4" heels, pants that showed off her curves, and this beige fluffy shirt that had a band that ran under her breasts, framing them perfectly.  I was with another senior co-worker at the time.  My mind went blank.  All that I could manage to come up with for a compliment at the time was, "You're tall."  She laughed and smiled but I've been kicking myself ever since.

Now here's the weird thing...I've never had this happen before.  A few months ago, at home, I was just doing whatever and I thought of her.  I can't remember if I said it out loud or if I just said it to myself, but I said, "I like M...."  A three word statement.  This amazing euphoric wave washed over my mind.  I've never felt anything like it before.  It was absolutely incredible.  It was like figuring out a problem that's plagued you forever.  I've never done drugs in my life but I'm guessing it'd be the same as experiencing something for the first time.

When we first started working together, she'd always come down for her morning coffee and stop by my office, and we'd have a good time talking about whatever.  BUT she was practically married at the time so I didn't flirt at all.  Then she got laid off....

Now here's what slays me.  She's this independent farm girl.  She is incredibly driven to do things herself.  She's not afraid to fix stuff herself which to me is soo f'ing HOT.  Also, she grew up on her family's farm.  Which the though of her as a college girl...perfectly toned, sweaty, tossing hay bales in a t-shirt and tight jeans...what an incredible mental image.

BUT and this is a big BUT for me... she's a liberal.  It just kills me.  Everything about her...she should be Conservative.  But she went to college and got indoctrinated.  I KNOW that she's just confused and can be pulled from the dark side.  ...argh...

Also, in the same vein, she does east-side liberal things like eating weird food.  The thing is that she was brought up on a farm eating beef and wholesome foods.  I can see that it's affecting her physically.  She even told me that she has an iron deficiency.  And you can really see it at times.  She looks incredibly tired with dark circles under her eyes.  I've questioned her on her food choices and she gets defensive.

Oh yeah...she got re-hired.  And she dumped the douchebag that she was with after she found him cheating on her. Sooo...

I've scared her off.  While she was laid off, one of the other women in the office got divorced.  She's a conservative and loves music so we always have alot to talk about.  She took M's place as my morning female friend to chat with. So when she started working again, I'd see her walk by my office, see me talking to this other woman, and keep going.  Now she doesn't stop by at all in the morning.

I also worry that I'm just being delusional about all of this and she has no interest in me.

More about this some other time.